The Mind of a Wolf
by Silver Wolf Eyes
Summary: COMPLETE Sirius can’t stop thinking about him. Everywhere he turns he sees him, and he has fallen in love. He can’t sleep and finds himself outside, on a full moon, staring up into big, murderous silver eyes. SLASH SiriusRemus
1. The Mind of a Wolf

Title: The Mind of a Wolf  
  
Author: Silver Wolf Eyes  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Genre: Romance and Horror  
  
Summary: Sirius can't stop thinking about him. Everywhere he turns he sees him, and he has fallen in love. He can't sleep and finds himself outside, on a full moon, staring up into big, murderous silver eyes.  
  
Coupling: Sirius/Remus  
  
Disclaimer: Don't own anything. I am just borrowing them for my own entertainment purposes and promise to put them back when I'm done.  
  
Warning: This story contains slash, as in a male/male relationship. If you don't like it, don't read it. Don't flame... I warned you in the summery.  
  
Author's Note: My beta reader hasn't had the chance to beta this. She is very busy, so this might have some grammar errors.  
  
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~The Mind of a Wolf~  
  
The full moon beams fell upon young Sirius's features as he sat in the window of the empty, seventh year Gryffindor boy's dormitory. His face was a mass of confusion and stress, and was pale from lack of sleep. His body felt quite drained as well, he could hardly walk unless he made himself, but he couldn't relax.  
  
For the past few months Sirius had been uptight, something that he *never* was. It was hard not to be when certain thoughts were continually running through his mind. Mostly they concerned loving someone, but not just anyone. His affections were drawn to one specific *male*, and that confused him even more.  
  
He didn't think he was suppose to feel this way about another bloke, but he did. That wasn't even the worst, or best, part, he had fallen in love with his best friend; Remus J. Lupin.  
  
Sirius drew up his legs and wrapped his arms around his knees in a protective gesture. He had never felt this unsure about himself. Everywhere he went he could see him. A lock of silk, blond hair, his honey-golden eyes, that cute smirk he let slip from his lips when he knew he was right about something. That wasn't all, he could hear his voice clear across a crowded room, or his scent permanently burned into his noise; which strangely always reminded Sirius of morning dew.  
  
Speaking of Remus; tonight was Friday; the full moon. He, James, and Peter were out there roaming along the grounds, most likely heading for Hogsmeade at this very moment, and that's where they would stay for hours. Sirius still felt like kicking himself for not going, but his friends wouldn't let him, or more specifically, Remus wouldn't let him.  
  
His friends were all deathly worried about him, always asking why he was so tense and that it was so unlike him. He'd always just shrug and say family problems, and, at that, they would drop it. The three knew what a horrible bloodline he belonged to. He wasn't exactly lying either. Remus was practically his family, besides James and Peter. They grew up together, helped each other, got into trouble together. They *were* his family. And he had to go and fall in love with one of them.  
  
Thinking back to hours beforehand, he remembered Remus telling him that he looked positively ill and that he should rest and sleep instead of romping around in the dark. Also saying that James and Peter would be enough company until he got better.  
  
Remus would have no 'ifs', 'ands', or 'buts' about it, so Sirius couldn't refuse. It wasn't as if Remus was acting out of character, so he should have known better. The concerned blonde always looked out for the well- being of his friends. Moony even went as far as making sure he was in bed when they left.  
  
Of course, Sirius didn't stay there. He knew he wouldn't get any sleep knowing that Remus was about to endure an extreme amount of pain, and he wasn't there to help.  
  
Sirius wiggled in his seat trying to get comfortable, but it felt warm in the tower. Even the open window wasn't letting in enough air, but he could feel the coolness outside.  
  
Surrendering, Sirius drew himself to his feet and hobbled to the door feeling restless. He made his way down the stairs and out through the portrait door. Slowly, he made sure he created absolutely no sound. He would have taken the map, but he thought he saw James carrying it with him just before they left.  
  
Eventually, he made it to the entrance hall and took a step outside. The cool breeze rushed over his body as he breathed deeply, trying to rid the smell of morning dew from his nose. Nothing could stop Remus's scent from entering his body, even when he wasn't there. It was everywhere.  
  
Sirius sighed, giving in to the inevitable. He started walking towards the lake to sit by a tree and think even more, but something caught his attention. A rustling sound. Sirius looked around him, but couldn't see anything so he settled on it being the wind pushing a few leaves across the grounds.  
  
Halfway to the lake, Sirius heard it again, but it wasn't rustling. It was footsteps in the direction of Hogwarts, where he just came from. He grabbed for his wand, but found it wasn't there.  
  
"Shit!" Sirius cursed. He had forgotten it from under his pillow.  
  
Slowly backing away, he kept dodging his eyes back and forth looking for someone to come after him.  
  
He wasn't prepared to be slammed into at his shoulders. The force completely knocked him backwards, sending him slamming into the ground. He coughed as the air was knocked out of him.  
  
Sirius froze when he heard a low, threatening growl. He slowly looked up staring into big, murderous silver eyes. Sirius started to shake as the huge creature leisurely began to circle him. Its caramel-blonde fur illuminated in the moon rays.  
  
Sirius couldn't move, couldn't breathe, couldn't think. All he could do was watch as the overpowering animal circled him, like he was toying with him as a cat does before it pounces...  
  
Eyes widened as Sirius's mind finally caught up to the shock. He backed up, still on the ground, trying to edge away from it. This wasn't just any animal, this was a werewolf. This was Remus, as Moony.  
  
Sirius continued to back away, crawling on his palms and the heels of his feet. He tried to transform, but his body was just too weak. The wolf stopped circling and instead opted to walk straight towards Sirius, unbearably slow. Sirius could just feel the animal's hot breath on his face when, from nowhere, a stag came and butted the wolf on the side, causing it to fall over.  
  
Sirius took his chance to run. His legs scrambled over one another as he broke out and ran as fast as he could back to Hogwarts.  
  
He was no farther then a quarter of the way there when his shoulders bared a tremendous amount of weight. He was forced to the ground once more. Sirius scrambled away and turned around.  
  
The wolf immediately pinned him to the ground by his left shoulder with its powerful paw. Sirius yelped and squeezed his eyes tight. He couldn't believe this was happening, not this, not to Remus or him. The worst wasn't that he was about to die, but the fact that Remus will be devastated having his most horrible nightmare come true. He won't be able to live with himself.  
  
Sirius was forced to lay his head down into the grass as even more weight was shifted to his shoulder. He opened his eyes and saw that a stag was continually trying to kick at the wolf and a rat was hanging off its left ear by its teeth.  
  
He could hear the low growl of the wolf in his ears and feel its breath upon his face. It curled back its lips and bared its teeth preparing to attack and kill. Sirius shook from head to toe, adrenaline rushed throughout his veins, his mind was a complete blank.  
  
Finally finding a small bit of the Gryffindor courage, Sirius looked up into the silver eyes of Moony.  
  
Out of nowhere, his voice began to speak on its own in a whisper, "Moony."  
  
The werewolf stopped growling and cocked its ears upright, listening.  
  
"Moony," Sirius said again.  
  
Sirius tensed as the wolf bent real close to his face and lightly sniffed at his hair and down toward his neck.  
  
The beast looked back into Sirius eyes, and he saw them bleeding to a duller honey color. He took his chance, "Remus."  
  
At that, the wolf tilted its head, sniffed greatly once again at his hair, and completely removed its weight from Sirius's shoulder. It took one last look at the deathly pale boy on the ground before turning and disappearing into the Forbidden Forest with the stag following close behind it. 


	2. The Heart of my Love

Author's Note: This didn't turn out exactly as I wanted it, but all well. If it is really bad, please tell me and I'll try to rewrite it.  
  
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~The Heart of my Love~  
  
Sirius watched with unbelievably wide eyes as the werewolf ran off into the forest. Wasting no time, he picked himself up on wobbly legs and ran as fast as he could, back to Gryffindor Tower.  
  
He had to run to the bathroom as soon as he got into the common room where he proceeded to throw up anything that was in his stomach.  
  
Sirius walked back to his bed shakily after brushing his teeth so he wouldn't get sick again, and laid down trying his best to calm his nerves. He was jumpy and fidgety. Every little noise took him by surprise. He curled up into a tight ball and rolled over to face the window.  
  
It wasn't until the sun began to rise did he hear noise of people tiptoeing up the steps. He had been thinking the entire night of his very close encounter with death and how stupid he was for even stepping foot outside the castle in the first place. Mostly, he thought about Remus. He had never heard of a werewolf backing down from its prey, human or not. It just wasn't something they did. So what happened out there?  
  
The door opened and Sirius could hear people walk in. He turned over expecting to see James, Peter, and Remus, but one was missing, and Remus rarely went to the nurse before he came back to the dorm.  
  
Sirius shot up, "Where's Remus?"  
  
Both James and Peter jumped at the outburst. They both looked worn out and exhausted. James was the first one to recover. He stormed angrily over to Sirius's bedside, "What in the hell were you thinking?!!"  
  
Sirius flinched at the sudden harsh tone, "I... wasn't..."  
  
"That's right, you weren't!" James snapped. Peter sat quietly on the edge of his bed watching the other two.  
  
"Where's Remus?" Sirius demanded again.  
  
"Who the bloody hell knows!"  
  
Sirius's eyebrows shot upward, "You mean you don't know where he is?!!"  
  
"No, damit! He ran away from us as soon as he had enough energy to remember what happened! We had hoped he ran up here to find you, but that isn't the case!"  
  
"Where's the map?!" Sirius started shaking again.  
  
James stalked over to his nightstand and popped open a draw. He took out the piece of parchment and thrust it into Sirius's hands.  
  
James looked at Sirius to see him visibly trembling as he took the map. His heart grew softer and he sat on the edge of the bed. This was so unlike Sirius.  
  
"Sirius?" James said in a calmer voice.  
  
Sirius had just got the map to show its secret when he looked up at James, "What?"  
  
James saw the absolute terror in his eyes, "What's been going on lately? You've been really out of it. This isn't like you at all. I know you."  
  
Sirius sighed scanning the map for Remus.  
  
James continued, "It isn't family problems, Sirius. I know you better then that. You wouldn't get worked up like this over your family."  
  
Sirius still had his eyes on the map, but James knew he had hit a nerve, "You can tell me, Sirius. I'm your best friend. What happened to make you completely forget your head and go outside?"  
  
Sirius stopped looking at the map and finally locked eyes with James again, "I've been... thinking..."  
  
"Thinking?" James pressed.  
  
"Yeah..." Sirius lowered his head, "I'm... in love."  
  
"In love?" James question. He took a quick look back over at Peter who had actually fallen asleep sitting up... again. "With who?"  
  
"Well... uh...," Sirius gulped, "You know him..."  
  
"Him?" James raised an eyebrow, "You're gay?"  
  
Sirius slowly nodded his head.  
  
"Well then, who's the guy that's got you so worked over?"  
  
"Remus..." Sirius whispered kind of shocked James took the news so easily.  
  
James eyes shot open, "So that's why you've been so different lately."  
  
Sirius nodded his head again, "He's the reason I went outside."  
  
James raised a questioning eyebrow.  
  
"Not humanly, but I kept thinking about him. I've been thinking about him for months now, trying to figure out if I was really in love."  
  
"And are you?"  
  
Sirius shook his head, "Yeah, I am. I was sitting by the window after you guys left, but it just got really hot in here. I figured you guys were going to Hogsmeade as usual so I thought it would be safe to take a short walk to clear my head. I didn't know..."  
  
As soon as Sirius trailed off, James picked up, "It was a mistake that thankfully didn't turn out in a disaster. Why didn't you transform?"  
  
"I was too weak," Sirius looked at the map again, "There he is!"  
  
"Where?!" James exclaimed.  
  
"Farthest tower opposite from here!" Sirius jumped off his bed and grabbed James's arm, "Come on!"  
  
James dug his heels into the ground surprising Sirius, "I think you should go after him, alone."  
  
Sirius just looked at him for a moment then nodded. James pulled something off of his bed and handed it to the taller raven-haired, "Here."  
  
Sirius pulled the invisibility cloak over himself and ran out the door yelling, "Thanks."  
  
It seemed to take him forever to get to the tower Remus was hiding in. He fumbled up the steps and quietly stepped inside the cracked door. There was Remus, huddled in a small ball with his head in his knees, sobbing.  
  
Sirius took the cloak off and stepped forward, "Remus?"  
  
Remus looked up startled. As soon as he saw who was standing before him he shot up and tried to run out the door. Sirius grabbed him by the arm and pulled him back in shutting the door behind them. Remus shook off the hold and walked as far away from Sirius as he possibly could.  
  
Sirius's heart broke, "Remus... I'm..."  
  
"No, don't say anything, Sirius," Remus choked.  
  
Something inside Sirius completely fell apart, "Please, Remus."  
  
"Sirius," Remus whispered in a warning.  
  
"Just look at me, Rem," Sirius moved closer to the blonde and placed a hand on his shoulder. He slowly turned him having their eyes lock. He finally saw just how tired and weak Remus actually was, "I'm sorry."  
  
Remus looked away, "You don't have anything to be sorry about. I'm the one that should be apologizing."  
  
Sirius was confused, "Remmy, you don't have anything to apologize about. I was the idiot who went outside when I knew better."  
  
Remus shook out of Sirius's grip, "Sirius, I almost... I almost..." Tears started swelling up in his golden eyes.  
  
"But you didn't, Rem. You didn't. I don't know why, but you didn't. It would have been my fault..."  
  
"Your fault?" Remus's voice rose slightly, "Sirius, I almost *killed* you! That is *my* fault! It wouldn't have happened if I had never come here like my parents told me. God, Sirius, if I had..."  
  
"But you didn't," Sirius repeated cutting him off, "And don't you *ever* say you should have never came here. I would have never met you otherwise."  
  
"That's the point," Remus felt tears escape down his cheeks, "I put everyone else in danger because of me being here. This is the closest I've ever come to killing someone, but this is far worse because it was *you*."  
  
Sirius was taken aback by the way Remus had said that, "Remus, I knew you were out there, I knew I was too weak to transform, I knew what I was getting into. None of this was your fault."  
  
"Sirius, everything is my fault! Dumbledore has more things to worry about because of me, everyone is in danger because of me, you guys risk your lives because of me, and you almost died because of *me*," Remus rested his back against the wall, tears flowing freely now, "If only I hadn't lived when that werewolf bit me."  
  
Sirius grabbed Remus by the shoulders staring into his honey eyes with piercing blue ones, "Don't you *ever* wish that you had died. Ever. You've changed my life, Remus. In more ways then you know, and all for the better."  
  
The fierceness of the way Sirius had said those words could only make Remus stare.  
  
"Look, Remus, you're smart, funny, talented, brave, loyal, and beautiful. You are perfect in every way. I never want to hear you say that again."  
  
Remus felt the blush rise up to his face, and all he could do was nod.  
  
"But there is one question I'd like to ask you, Rem."  
  
Remus shook his head, trying to clear his mind of the things Sirius just said, "What?"  
  
"Why did you back away? I've never heard of a werewolf leaving its prey, ever."  
  
Remus's blush deepened tenfold, "Well... uh..."  
  
"Remus?" Sirius questioned in a curios voice.  
  
"Well... its... its kind of hard to explain."  
  
"Try."  
  
Sighing, Remus knew he had no way out of this, "I remember being the wolf, remember chasing you down. All my mind was thinking was food because the wolf had taken over."  
  
He paused for a second, "But when I had you pinned to the ground the second time, after James head butted me, I heard you whisper 'Moony'. Something stirred inside me, *me*, not the wolf. I heard it a second time, and I remember fighting my inner strengths from both human and animal. It was really weird. I had never done that before. It was almost as if the wolf was cooperating with me on some level."  
  
Sirius listened in awe.  
  
Remus continued, "Then you called my name and the wolf got curious. He sniffed you, and I remember smelling your orange spice shampoo. As soon as I recognized it was you, I burst out in a furious rage. I think I scared the wolf into submission until I got out of sight from you. That was when he took over for the rest of the night."  
  
Sirius practically had his jaw to the floor while Remus continued to blush, "You conquered over the wolf because of me?"  
  
Remus nodded his head.  
  
Sirius broke out in a huge grin, "Imagine, you did that because of me."  
  
A deep blush looked like it permanently settled on Remus's face, "Sirius?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Now let me ask you one question."  
  
Sirius was still beaming, "Shoot."  
  
"What's been going on with you lately?"  
  
Sirius's smile fell, "James asked that same question."  
  
"There's something going on with you, Sirius. You're not acting like yourself. And I know you better then to believe it has anything to do with your family."  
  
"James said the exact same thing."  
  
"So?" Remus raised an expectant eyebrow finally managing to control his flushed face, "Tell me what you told James."  
  
"How do you know I told him anything?"  
  
"Because I also know James, and he was going to get it out of you sooner or later. So tell me what you told James."  
  
Sirius swallowed, "Well... uh..."  
  
"Sirius," Remus's voice changed completely to concern, "Please tell me."  
  
Sirius shut his eyes and strained to think, 'It's now or never.'  
  
Remus had a puzzled look on his face when he reopened his eyes, "I've been thinking..."  
  
"About what?"  
  
"About... love," his voice was shying.  
  
"Love? As in 'friend' love, 'brotherly' love, or 'in' love?"  
  
Sirius gulped as sweat began to accumulate on his forehead, "'In' love."  
  
"So... who is he?" Remus glanced up at Sirius.  
  
"You know it's a bloke?!" Sirius exclaimed.  
  
Remus gave him questioning eyes, "Of course. I'm your best mate, Padfoot. Why wouldn't I know? I spend most of my time with you, James, and Peter. I see the annoyance in your eyes every time a girl comes up to you and asks you out."  
  
"James didn't know," Sirius grumbled.  
  
"James is also thick headed. Plus..." Remus dared to add, "he doesn't know what he's looking for, now does he?"  
  
"No, he dos... Wait," Sirius blinked, "Are you saying that..."  
  
Remus nodded, suddenly very nervous, "So... you were saying?"  
  
Sirius blinked again trying to put two and two together, 'Remus is gay, he knew that I was gay, he also conquered over the wolf because he knew it was me.'  
  
Remus, taking Sirius silence for being too uncomfortable, began to back toward the door, "It's alright, Sirius. You don't have to tell me. I really need to see Madam Pomfrey for a Pepper-Up Potion before I collapse."  
  
Sirius watched as Remus edged toward the door. His fast reflexes and his 'react before you think' logic did him in. He grabbed Remus right before he opened the door, pulled him into his arms, and captured his lips in his own.  
  
Remus stood in his arms, shocked out of his mind. He could feel Sirius's arms around him and his lips upon his own, but it wasn't registering.  
  
However, Sirius was slow, but persistent, and it didn't take long for Remus to completely relax and melt in the raven's arms.  
  
Sirius finally pulled away, "It's you, Moony. I love you."  
  
"And I love you, too, Padfoot."  
  
Sirius looked down into honey eyes with shock. He couldn't speak.  
  
Remus decided to take advantage of the situation and lean up for another kiss. Like him, Sirius was shocked, but loosened up just as quickly.  
  
The two finally leaned back from each other while still holding on within their arms. Remus leaned forward into Sirius's chest comfortably.  
  
He smiled, "Is this one of the ways I've changed your life, Padfoot?"  
  
Sirius let his own grin slip across his lips, "Just one way, Moony, just one way."  
  
~Fin~ 


End file.
